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Make Space for Your Dream
When I arrived in New York twenty years ago as a young college graduate, I didn't know what Wall Street was. I needed to put my husband through school, but because I had graduated in music, I could only find secretarial work. Once I began to acclimate, it occurred to me that I was just as smart as the folks on the professional track. After two years of taking business courses at night, and having a boss who was willing to take a chance on me, I eventually became an investment banker, then an equity analyst. When I went on sabbatical in 2005, I was at the top of my field. I'd set a goal and achieved it, despite my pedestrian pedigree. If I could, anyone could. Easy peasy.
When I left Merrill Lynch to pursue several entrepreneurial ventures (read: stopped earning money), we downsized from our 6,000 sq. ft. home to a townhouse to preserve cash. I realized that all of our belongings needed to fit into one quarter of space they used to occupy. A place for everything and everything in its place sounded perfectly doable, but I was overwhelmed. The task felt monolithic and rather than beginning, I ignored it.
Until a kind friend offered her help. "Let's start by organizing your papers in your upstairs office", she said. "We'll take it one step at a time, first a gross sort, then a fine sort." It was still almost too much, but with her help, I gradually put my papers and files in order.
It's interesting that even big dreams don't intimidate me, but the smallest organizing projects are paralyzing. Perhaps it's the quite the opposite for you. You instinctively know how and where to store your things, and you do it with style, while achieving a goal feels beyond your ken. If so, may I do for you what my friend did for me, and approach daring to dream with you one step at a time?
Step 1: Clear the Clutter
Clear a physical space where you can dream: a desk, an office, your car, or bed. More importantly, create a space in your day: early in the morning, after the kids go to school, while exercising, or late at night. Children make time (or we make them make time) to do homework. We need the same discipline. Joseph Campbell wrote, "You must have a room or a...place where...you can bring forth what you are...and what you may be."
Step 2: Make Space For Your Dream.
One of my favorite stories is The Country Bunny and The Little Gold Shoes. As a little girl, the Country Bunny declares, "Some day I shall grow up to be the Easter Bunny: you wait and see!" She also wants to--and does-- have lots of bunnies when she grows up: seventeen to be exact. As she teaches and delegates various household tasks, her children not only become capable and competent, she learns to make choices, and to honor her choices: to make space in her life for herself.
Step 3: Explore Your Possibilities
Perhaps you're willing to give yourself permission to dream, but you have no idea what your dream is. Here are some questions to get you started:
- What did you like to do as a little girl? Why?
- Who would you love to change places with for a day? Why?
- What are 6 things that make you happy? Why?
- What did you enjoy doing today, either because it was fun or immensely satisfying? (After keeping track for a week, do you see any commonalities?)
- If your dream is near-dormant given other demands, what are you doing, or reading, or thinking, that can help you achieve it in the future?
- What compliments do you receive over and again? This is your magic: your style, where you instinctively excel. You may not want this to be true. But for your dream to work, you need to embrace it.
Step 4: Dare to Dream
When you organize a room, you first do a gross sort, playing a bit with how and where to store things. Simply follow the same process here. Once you've made a list using the questions above--start playing with the idea. I like to call it dating. Start with 5 minute speed dates; it's less scary. For example, if you are an artist, draw or paint for 5 minutes a day. If you're a seamstress, sew for 5 minutes a day. If you don't like what you see, move on. If you do, date the idea for 10 minutes. All this starting may be hard to do, just like organizing my papers was for me, but that's why it's a dare to get ourselves to dream.
